It's not a violin

Mon, 12 May 2008 04:15:12 GMT

My hand is doing really well. It only hurts when I forget about the brace and try to close my car trunk with that hand. Whoops.

In other news, I miss Massachusetts so freakin' much. I almost never get to talk to the boys anymore. Dan has a girlfriend now. I found this out through facebook; he didn't tell me about it. I don't know. I'm feeling really left out. They're off doing all these fun things and I'm...here. It's depressing.

I also informed my parents I'm moving out. What I didn't tell them was that I plan on moving away. Like to Massachusetts. I'm going to try. This is all dependent on them letting me keep the car. I don't know. I can't be away from them any more. I can't be away from that whole atmosphere any more. I miss everything there and I know I'll miss some things here... but I need to get away. I need to be back there again.

Sat, 03 May 2008 15:34:48 GMT

Holy shit.

I'm out of oranges.

Also, I'm out of money. Someone donate, plz.

On a similar note, Dress Barn offered me my job back. Might take on a couple extra days. Will make final decisions once I'm all healed and of use to them.

More cooking.

Fri, 02 May 2008 18:51:44 GMT

I made little chicken pot pies!!! They're about the size of muffins... seeing as I made them in a muffin pan... and they're just right for lunching on!

They came out a little doughy, so I'll just have to make the crust a lot thinner next time. The inside part with the veggies and chicken pieces though? I have to say, I kicked ass at that. I made four and I only needed two, so I "tested" the extras.

Look at that. Beautiful.

I didn't write down the ingredients I put in. I kinda looked over a few recipes online, got an idea in my head, and used whatever I had in my house to put it together. I think it wound up being leftover chicken, cubed, mixed frozen veggies, basil, and salt and pepper, and the goop was milk, flour and chicken stock. I also made the little crusts from scratch. They're just flour, butter, and water with an egg glaze on top. It's really yummy, but didn't get crunchy enough. I could have baked them for longer, but I didn't know how the insides were doing.

I steamed some broccoli and added my usual snacks and... here's the finished lunch!

After I learn how to cook, I'm going to have to learn how to do so more efficiently. It takes me forever and I go through about a million dishes.

Hand? N. Movies? Y,

Fri, 02 May 2008 13:48:21 GMT

I need surgery on my wrist. I go in for my pre-testing this morning and get cut open on Tuesday. That's the 6th. With a two week recovery period that puts me..oh, right in the middle of finals. On the plus side, that means two weeks of not having to do dishes at work. I think what's really freaking me out is I'm going to be awake for it. haha... Dare me to try and watch?

On a happier and much more pyro-technicated note... IRON MAN. Last night. Best hero movie of all time.

Please, no gang signs.

Robert Downy Jr couldn't have been more perfect for the role. A drunk douchebag playing a drunk douchebag with a metal suit. Genius. From the beginning, he embodies Tony Stark and it's just... perfect. Not only that, but we meet Rhodes, as played by Terrence Howard - not my first choice, but Samuel L Jackson is way too old to pull off War Machine anyway - and they openly insinuate that War Machine's going to be in the sequel, which I'm actually looking forward to.

Best part was it wasn't all about the explosions [Which were super impressive] and the snark [which was just as brutal]. Stark's machines had intelligence and personality, too and he'd pick on them more than he picked on anyone else. It was hilarious. Their antics got the audience clapping numerous times. And... I want this machine.

On the left. So much love for that bot. So much.

Oh, and S.H.I.E.L.D was mentioned, too. I don't know how they're going to play it into the next movie, but it'll be there I'm sure.

And... The Dark Knight trailor? Sick. Just sick. I can not wait for that movie.

I just got RickRolled.

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:35:06 GMT

From the birthday calculator at PaulSadowski.com

This is why I don't cook.

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:09:21 GMT

Today's lunch was pretty unsuccessful. I tried making myself little snacky banana and peanut butter bits, but they wound up being thrown out so I stuffed the area with leftover pasta from last night. The egg came out kinda pretty, though.

Today I go for my EMG. For those of you playing the home game, imagine one part of your body. Any part. Now imagine it being electrocuted. In spurts. For an hour. Yeah. Now imagine little needles probing under the skin of said body part. Now imagine being told to wiggle and flex the muscle in that body part with the needles still in.

Long story short: It sucks. God help Jonathon if he gets in my way at work tonight. Thankfully, Manager Mike is closing tonight so he said he'd help me with anything I need. I love my coworkers [except Jonathon]. They're so awesome.

More cooking? No! More pretty lunchboxes? Yes!

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 16:43:28 GMT

New lunch! I think I'm so into bento lunch box making because it's the only creative outlet I have at the moment. Cooking and arranging is much less work for my wrist than, say, knitting and playing my viola. Although I am dying to play my viola. My emg is on Tuesday and my consultation with the doctor is May 1st. They're probably going to tell me I need surgery. Bleh.

Moving right along...

This time it's shrimp and avocado rolls. The rice didn't come out as sticky as I wanted, so they look pretty sloppy, but delicious! The soaking in lime juice worked to keep the avocados looking pretty and green and gave them a little extra kick without being too OMGLIME, so I did it again today.

Next I'm either going to try a pasta dish with turkey meatballs or some sort of omelet that I can bake in the little cup I baked the shepherd's pie in. (Which was good, except the potatoes were really bland. And it needed more veggies on the inside. I'll know for next time.) The cherry tomatoes with cheddar were too good to pass up again. I'll come up with something different for my lunch on Tuesday.

Wow. I might actually learn to cook something during this. Weird.

Story time now.

I sing at work a lot. And dance too, but only when whoever I'm working with will join me and that's really only when I'm working with Jes, but singing is kind-of my thing. Jes and I were closing last night, she was in the back doing dishes and I was out front packing the food away and singing my little heart out at a reasonably quiet volume. Anyway, this middle-aged Pakistani man and his barely-off-the-boat Russian wife who had tried to order a smoothie earlier and couldn't get the words out so we just made her whatever we guessed was what she wanted and just happened to be right... so this guy and his wife come up and the guy tells me I have a very nice voice and I should go somewhere and sing for money. I thanked him and said I used to sing, but I don't anymore except at work, so he was welcome to pay me more to sing there. He laughed and asked me more music questions and I got on the subject of me being an English major, studying toward being a teacher.

Long story short, I now am an English tutor. He just emailed me, so I have to send him my schedule, and then he's going to pay me to come in an hour before my shift two to four times in the next two weeks to practice with him.

It's not a music student, but I'll certainly take it. Wewt.

BENTO!

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 17:49:09 GMT

I hate to cook and I hate assembling my own food, mostly because I suck at it, but I saw that LJ community for bento lunch boxes and it looked like fun, so I decided to try it.

I didn't come up with most of this stuff by myself. A lot of it came from lunchinabox.net (and mostly from someone who calls her son "Bug". Coincidence? Only thebatsmeow knows!).

But I have to say, I'm really proud of myself because the final product is pretty awesome.

Okay. Explanation time. Those things on toothpicks are cherry tomatoes I cut in half and then stuck in a piece of extra sharp cheddar, which I love. I'll probably take another piece to fan out and put in the middle, which I can then have with my avocado slices - opposite corner - which I soaked in lime juice for a little bit to see if that'll help them keep their color. If not... -shrug-... It's still an avocado. Next to the avocado are orange slices because... well, because god help me if I don't get an orange once a day, and that little cup in the last corner is my pride and joy!

It's the thing I actually cooked, that being a miniature shepherd's pie. I cooked up some ground turkey and spiced it and made my own mashed potato - not pluralized because there is only one little potato in there - sandwiched the meat between the potato and slopped it into this little container. I sautéed (!!!Without burning my kitchen down!!!) the top of a button mushroom and fanned it out around a frozen carrot slice.

I think it's pretty f'n adorable, if you ask me. And it smells soooo good. Good thing I have the rest of that orange waiting for me downstairs!

omgschool

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 23:57:28 GMT

So. Remember that speech I was talking about?

Well, it was today.

I went first... and I pretty much blew it out of the water. I had no idea I did that well. Truth be told, I had no idea what I was saying. I hate public speaking. Some teacher-wannabe, huh? But, when I finished, the professor just said "Wow" and the room applauded me and when it died down my professor addressed the class with, "Well, this is the first time I've given an A+ since 1991."

I was shocked. Seriously. She taped all of us and until I went and watched the tape, I had no idea what I did to warrant such a reaction. But there it is...written in on the bottom of my little outline, 90% of which I couldn't cover because I got so pressed for time and I basically just started throwing facts out there that happened to form a coherent - and as everyone told me - engaging explanation of my research. I can't remember a thing. It's like I wasn't there for those ten minutes. But I did it. Fucking weird shit, man.

So after class when I went up to give her my stuff, which she's saving to show future classes along with my tape, she begged me to join the competitive debate team for the fall. I didn't really answer yes or no, mostly because every time I gave her a reason why I shouldn't, she shot it down and told me I should do it anyway.

"Students like you don't come through here very often. Do you understand? Do you understand how important is is that you don't let it go to waste?"

Her face when she said that to me hasn't really left my head.

Fuck.

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 11:33:47 GMT

All I've been doing is studying up for my Communications speech on John Hunter and going to work. Literally. Nothing else.

And still, my carpal tunnel is flaring up something serious. I can barely write school notes anymore because it's so painful. It's not like I'm on my computer all the time or I'm playing my viola more than usual, but now I can't do most things without my hands turning numb or my wrist just hurting in general. I've lost all range of motion in my right hand, the joint is popping all the time... I even lose feeling in it when I've got my hands on the steering wheel, so driving is becoming difficult. I don't know what the fuck is up, but I want to cry about it. So instead, here is a pretty meme I stole from zia_narratora

1. Go to www.flickr.com
2. Type in your answer to the question in the "search" box
3. Use only the first page
4. Copy the html and paste for the answer.

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What School did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. Who is your favorite Disney Princess?

7. Favorite drink?

8. Dream Vacation?

9. Favorite Dessert?

10. What do you want to be when you grow up?

11. What do you love most in life?

12. One word to describe you?

13. What do you dream about?

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 13:56:18 GMT

Did some cleaning up in the f-list area. If you want to be added back or you want to be taken off, let me know.

In the meantime, meme stolen from quizzicalsphinx

1. My username is ______ because ______.

Twowishesleft because I saw it on the license plate of a really nice car. Actually, it looked more like 2WshsLft or something. But, that's where I got it from. I was intrigued by it. If I had three wishes, would my first one be a car? Would I hoard them or blow them all in one sitting? It's a very uplifting thing to think about and it kinda makes me smile when I'm reminded of where I got this from. That's why.

2. My name is _____ because ______.

Nikki. Because it's my name. It used to be Nikki Tara, but it isn't anymore for fear of giving too much away. I served a girl coffee yesterday named Tara and I said, "Oh! That's my middle name," and she replied, "No shit. My middle name is Nicole." And we had a little bonding moment. This is my attempt to make this response interesting.

3. My journal is titled ____ because ____.

"It's not a violin", because one of the most offensive things you can do to a violist is call him a violinist. Pretty self-explanatory.

4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.

It doesn't have a cool name solely because I haven't come up with one. If you have a good idea, by all means, tell me what I should write.

5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

My default changes a lot. I'm actually getting tired of this one. It's from a webcomic called Questionable Content. The quote went something like, "There is no God, only Harrison Ford and his chiseled jawline," and readers thought that was so awesome that they demanded t-shirts. There was a blue one, an orange one, and...a pink one, I think. I got the orange one. Hence the color. For years my userpic was a black and white picture of a woman from the hips down wearing a garter belt [see current icon]. It was neutral, it was pretty, and it sure as shit got people's attention. I think I am going to go back to it eventually.

6. My LJ name (you know how you can change that sort of sub-name thing?) is:

I don't have one, again, because I never came up with one. I betcha Rachie would have a good subname for me. Someone give me an idea.

And then there's this one, stolen from Shira:

My Personality


Neuroticism	21
Extraversion	68
Openness to Experience	78
Agreeableness	22
Conscientiousness	19

You do not feel nervous in social situations, and have a good impression of what others think of you, however you feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits. You are a moderately imaginative person who enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice, however you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You are a reasonably organized person and like to have a certain amount of routine in your life.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:31:55 GMT

Flashback: Photo entry.

Lately I've been reflecting on my life and trying to figure out what the fuck I'm doing with it exactly. This prompted a delve into the photobucket vaults. Warning. This is a long post.

To start us off, here's a picture of 13 year old me:

Now on to the pictures of me after I became an actual human being.

Numero uno: First picture of me that I added to photobucket. The B&W and bad quality means I was still using my old webcam. Those are the glasses I had before the ones before the set I have now. The ones from the photo broke while I was doing parties at Chuck E Cheese, which happened in the 11th grade. They're bent a little, so I didn't just get them. Well into my freshman year was when I kindof eased up on the punked out thing, and my hoodie is on so it must have been cold, so this must have been the beginning of my sophomore year. Good gravy, this is old.

Next...

My first All State medal. 2004, spring of 10th grade. Bringin' it way back, y'all.

After this one, I started taking pictures, um, all the time. Yeah. I was a whore. Some highlights...

Hat I stole from Pumpy. October, 2004.

Pouting. I e-pouted a lot and everyone told me it didn't work because it was just type, so I took a picture. Also October 2004.

Yep. I kept the picture. November? 2004

And there's the kiss I sent back. November 2004

Turkey post-it! Thanksgiving 2004

When I started photography classes. February 2005

GASP. An actual picture. Ireland, February 2005

Me putting up random shit so Mac would put up pictures. April 2005

My new webcam! May 2005

Random. Tucker = King Arthur. April Fools 2005

Geez, remember that hair thing I used to do? July 2005

Scarf ninja! This went on to be my bio pic for EVERYTHING. July 2005

Mac's birthday. October 2005

Right before my glasses broke. Spring 2006. Actually, it was April 23rd. Why do I know the exact date? Because I dressed up for Shakespeare's birthday. Yes I did.

Me and Justin in the woods. Summer 2006

If you have to ask, don't. No date.

And then I went off to college, and you all know what happened after that. And now here I am.

While I was a total camwhore, I'm kindof glad I took all those pictures. I took every one of those pictures for a reason and during very specific times, so they're like mini time capsules. I like having that ability, to time warp by looking at old files. I think that's the only reason my art conspiracy is still up.

Ok. Reflection time is over. time to do some work. Or something.

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:45:54 GMT

On second thought, just skip over my last post and listen to this very informative news broadcast.

Hillary's fucking Obama.

AHHHHHHHHHHH

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 02:19:58 GMT

Fuck you, anonymous person from postsecret. From now on, I am going to check every book before I buy it.

And now for something completely different.

Somehow, my four remaining balls of yarn for Mac's sweater have gone missing. I wound up having to order more as I have no idea where they could be. When I approached my mother about it last night, she started freaking out saying that I was accusing my parents of messing with my stuff, which prompted a "discussion" - which is to say that I sat on the couch and took it while my parents screamed about how I make everyone miserable and they don't want me here, they want me to move out after this school year, etc.

My mom was the greatest.

"You come and go as you please! You have no respect for us!"
"Uh. I never go out. If I take the car anywhere other than class, nine times out of ten it's to go to work."
"What kind of fantasy world do you live in?"
"... When was the last time I went out? It was for the opera. And when was the time before that? The last real outing I had was Valentines day. That was a month ago."
"Don't blame us just because you have no life!"
"I wasn't blaming you. You were accusing me of being out all hours when in reality, I don't go anywhere anymore."
"And do you know why you don't go anywhere anymore? Because you flunked out of school"

And that's about the time I stopped talking and just let them have at me. My mom gets royally pissed when I don't yell back, so this went on for quite some time. Then my dad told my mom to leave me alone and she came over and gave me a hug because she got the last word in and that makes her feel all warm and fuzzy inside and then they both went away.

When I'd been alone downstairs for a while, presumably to let everyone calm down, my dad came back downstairs to talk to me alone.

"There is no excuse for what I did to you. Tell me what I can do to make it right."

What the fuck do I say to that? I told him I didn't know.

"We used to be so close. I miss that. Then Mac came along..."
"You really think it's because of Mac?"
"Tell me why, then."
"Because I moved out. I was nice to you before college because I had to be. Because if I had to choose between you and mom, you're the lesser of two evils. I was nice to you because I was hiding what happened from everyone. Then I moved out and I didn't have to anymore. I don't think you're a bad parent. I don't think differently of you. I just live differently."

So the truth came out. My dad hates Mac because he thinks Mac made the skeletons magically appear.

It's time for me to have a new place to live. I know they want me out and I know I want to be out, so why aren't I? I almost packed my car full of clothes to park my ass somewhere and start anew last night. Why didn't I? I don't know. Probably because I know I couldn't support myself. That disgusts me. I depend on the people I hate most. And I hate them more because of that.

Fucking tourists.

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 13:22:38 GMT

Annoying cameraman. Amazing singer.

I missed the Tibetan monks who came to UMass last year to perform, and now I'm disappointed. This sounds so freakin' cool. Yay overtones. I bet listening to someone learn how to do that sucks balls. I'm so going to try anyway.

In response to sofamiliar

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 22:44:29 GMT

How did I meet Mac.

Four and a half years ago [Holy shit, has it really been that long?] I made an account on ArtConspiracy.com where I posted my dabbles into the world of photography as well as some poetry which I hope never ever ever sees the light of day again. Of course, it's still up there. I'll leave it up to you to find me. If you're going to laugh at my expense, you're going to work for it.

Anyhoo, both Mac and I were AC-Friends with a guy named Eric. He was just a guy I admired and enjoyed speaking to and it turned out he's Mac' cousin. So he found me through some random surfing, probably because I had commented on Eric's page about a thousand times, and found some drawing I did. He commented on them and told me how awesome they were and then he added me to his favorites after a few more comment-exchanges where I praised his writing [Speaking of which...Dear Mac: When I get to your house, sweetheart, I want to see more! So there'd better be more to see.] and he told me what pretty eyes I have and I favorited him back. These exchanges prompted an AIM conversation eventually... and then a phone call. I honestly forget why or when we started talking more frequently. I just remember I was 16.

For a while there, I was pretty attached to him, even though I'd never met him. I knew my fascination with him was weird, even back then, but that didn't keep me from feeling it anyway. He even appears in the written journals I kept back then, in contexts such as, "Mac seems like such an awesome guy." and "I want to kiss Mac." Yeah. I'm creepy like that.

For lots of reasons, we kind of fell out of touch for a while. I wrote him letters just like I wrote them for everyone else and called him on his birthday. That was about all the correspondence we had with eachother for the second year or so of us being e-acquainted.

Right before my 18th birthday I found out I would be going to school in MA, where he lives. I happened to see him online and ranted about how he should come visit me when I got there because I wanted to meet him in person. He was all like, "Uh yeah sure," and kinda blew me off... with good reason. I'm thirteen years younger than he is. But I, being the persistent pain-in-the-ass that I am, kept asking anyway.

October rolled around, and with it Mac's birthday. I called him to say hi and pester him about visiting me and I happened to ask about what he was doing for his special day. He made the mistake of admitting that he didn't have any plans. I went nuts. We happened to have a three day weekend coming up. I wanted him to come out and see me for his birthday. I asked. I pleaded. I insisted. I would buy him a present! A monkey!

I know he wasn't all too thrilled with the prospect of spending his birthday with an 18 year old he barely knew, but he agreed anyway.

The day came and he rolled up into the gas station in Amherst Center and I gave him his present and a hug as soon as he got out of the car. The gift was a monkey hand-puppet. I felt kind of foolish giving it to him and right as it left my hands I wished I hadn't gotten him something so stupid, but he opened it right there, looked up at me, and with the cutest smile he said, "It's a puppet! That's awesome!"

And I was smitten.

We then proceeded to have the best weekend ever. I'd write about it, but that would require a whole nother entry. Or several.

This entry brought to you by the letter poncho.

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 04:52:52 GMT

So here's my latest project that I just finished tonight... to break up the monotony of grey-sweater-ness. I almost don't want to post this because it's for Stephanie and she bought [most of] the wool and supplies for it... but he's just so cuuuuute. I want to keep him. He's the kind of stuffed animal that just makes you smile whenever you look at him.

Without further ado, Bartholomew.

For color purposes. He's a light-ish green with white fluff/fuzz woven in. This was actually a really hard yarn to work with because it kept changing textures. The green parts were very thick and fleecy, the white parts were very thin and feathery soft. But I love the effect. These pictures don't really do him justice. You can kindof see where the white is in this picture because it shines more than the green does.

Oh, and then there's his pink and black hat. Blame Steph for the colors.

Flower butt!

He's a pretty big boy. Here he is with my 17'' lap top.

[Fin]

Now back to your regularly scheduled sweater construction.

Answer to macdawgversion2's question.

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 20:14:26 GMT

His suggestion was to write about what turns me on. That's a pretty easy one.

Nothing is a bigger turn on than a quick wit. To quote the fabulous V from Violent Acres, "If a guy made me laugh until my sides hurt, the panties were coming down."

I know most girls will say that kind of thing. They'll insist personality is the most important factor in their mate-selection, but they go out and date the handsome brainless douchebag instead. Now, I could never say that I don't find handsome brainless douchebags attractive - they are handsome after all - but I could never ever ever date a tool like that, nor could I sleep with one. A penis without a brain is useless to me, and one without a sense of humor is even moreso. There are plenty of crazy intelligent and handsome men out there, but if they can't make me laugh... I'm just not interested.

That was more about my turn-offs, but you get the general idea.

I also don't mind a man who likes taking control in the bedroom. Being thrown around a bit never hurt anyone. Meek need not apply.

Response to daybreaksbell

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 05:10:13 GMT

Obama or Hilary?

I feel like Hilary has been riding Obama's coat tails through every stupid debate that has happened up until about a month ago. Then all hell broke loose and they started bickering like school children.

Whenever Hilary was up first to answer a question, she skated around it. She talked and talked and talked and talked until she was absolutely sure no one was listening to her anymore and then she handed it over to Obama, who on the other hand actually sounds like he has his shit together. If Obama answered first, Hilary's response was almost always, "Well, as Barak said..." which pissed me off royally.

I feel like her presence in the race is seriously hurting the democratic party as a whole. If it was a McCain/Obama race, there would be no contest. As far as I'm concerned, she's a liberalist third party and she's just eating up democratic votes.

I think the real reason I prefer Obama to Hilary... is I don't like Hilary. I don't know why, I don't have the political knowledge to back up my opinion... I just don't like her.

You know what? It's probably that yellow power suit. I hate that stupid thing.

This is actually a pretty cool one. Stolen from macdawgversion2

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:30:42 GMT

Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, religion, drugs, etc. Be patient with my replies to appear.

Optionally, post this in your journal.

For sofamiliar

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 06:29:57 GMT

stolen from thebatsmeow

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 08:07:35 GMT

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 04:48:58 GMT

My heart has been stolen.

I've always been partial to corgis, but LOOK. They're short and I demand you watch them.

Whoever brings me a corgi puppy wins my servitude forever and ever amen. I want one so badly.

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 22:08:26 GMT

I miss my boys, I miss my boyfriend, I miss my dorm, I miss having a social life...

But right now, I'm killing myself over losing my music. I tried playing this afternoon and... I'm just horrible. Really horrible. I have to get lessons again or I'm going to lose my mind. There is nothing that makes me madder than being frustrated, especially with myself, and it's safe to say that I don't think I've ever been more frustrated before now. How the fuck am I going to afford $80 a week on top of $20 a week I'm paying my parents for food and stuff and another 20 on gas and save up for a new car and put money toward the loan money I owe? I can't take more than the two jobs I already have. I barely have enough time to do my homework. I'd take on viola students, but in my state, I'm not fit to teach them. I'm so far out of touch and it's only been two months.

Who am I kidding. If I can barely make time for school, how would I make time to practice for a lesson?

I'm not regretting my decision [Or, rather, going along with my parents' decision]. I just wish I was a better person and knew how to handle my life, that's all.

More of the same

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 23:49:39 GMT

What the FUCK is with people my age or younger getting themselves knocked up?

Here is how a conversation with one of the girls in my class went. She is Girl 1.

Girl 1: Remember when the teacher was talking about an example of "masking" being when your face changes when someone tells you you're pregnant?
Nikki: Yes...
G1: Well, she jinxed me. I found out on Monday that I'm a month in.

G1 told everyone that she was pretty sure that she wanted to keep it and her boyfriend and her mother are being really supportive... Then all hell broke loose. Suddenly, everyone had advice and everyone was pregnant. Some Spanish girl to my right begged her to take care of herself and try not to be too stressed because she had a miscarriage last semester. The Latino girl to our left made a crack about how Spanish people do it young and they're all knocked up and the Spanish girl agreed, saying her mother popped her out at 14. Latino girl then went on to say that if G1 is going to get an abortion, don't do the pill because she tried that and she bled for weeks and pieces came out and she wished she'd gone the surgery route instead. Then the other Nikki in the class piped in saying she's going through the same thing with her boyfriend right now and she doesn't know if she's pregnant yet, but she can't keep it if she is because her boyfriend already has a kid and he's still in school and can't afford another one...

And in the meanwhile, while I'm happy for G1 because she sounds like she's really got a plan for herself, I can't help thinking...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY? WHY? YOU'RE KIDS. AND MOST OF YOU ARE DUMB TO BOOT. YOU SHOULD NOT BE HAVING KIDS. STOP IT. NO.

/moral interlude