| AHHHHHHHHHHH |
[Apr. 1st, 2008|09:59 pm] |
Fuck you, anonymous person from postsecret. From now on, I am going to check every book before I buy it.
And now for something completely different.
Somehow, my four remaining balls of yarn for Mac's sweater have gone missing. I wound up having to order more as I have no idea where they could be. When I approached my mother about it last night, she started freaking out saying that I was accusing my parents of messing with my stuff, which prompted a "discussion" - which is to say that I sat on the couch and took it while my parents screamed about how I make everyone miserable and they don't want me here, they want me to move out after this school year, etc.
My mom was the greatest.
"You come and go as you please! You have no respect for us!"
"Uh. I never go out. If I take the car anywhere other than class, nine times out of ten it's to go to work."
"What kind of fantasy world do you live in?"
"... When was the last time I went out? It was for the opera. And when was the time before that? The last real outing I had was Valentines day. That was a month ago."
"Don't blame us just because you have no life!"
"I wasn't blaming you. You were accusing me of being out all hours when in reality, I don't go anywhere anymore."
"And do you know why you don't go anywhere anymore? Because you flunked out of school"
And that's about the time I stopped talking and just let them have at me. My mom gets royally pissed when I don't yell back, so this went on for quite some time. Then my dad told my mom to leave me alone and she came over and gave me a hug because she got the last word in and that makes her feel all warm and fuzzy inside and then they both went away.
When I'd been alone downstairs for a while, presumably to let everyone calm down, my dad came back downstairs to talk to me alone.
"There is no excuse for what I did to you. Tell me what I can do to make it right."
What the fuck do I say to that? I told him I didn't know.
"We used to be so close. I miss that. Then Mac came along..."
"You really think it's because of Mac?"
"Tell me why, then."
"Because I moved out. I was nice to you before college because I had to be. Because if I had to choose between you and mom, you're the lesser of two evils. I was nice to you because I was hiding what happened from everyone. Then I moved out and I didn't have to anymore. I don't think you're a bad parent. I don't think differently of you. I just live differently."
So the truth came out. My dad hates Mac because he thinks Mac made the skeletons magically appear.
It's time for me to have a new place to live. I know they want me out and I know I want to be out, so why aren't I? I almost packed my car full of clothes to park my ass somewhere and start anew last night. Why didn't I? I don't know. Probably because I know I couldn't support myself. That disgusts me. I depend on the people I hate most. And I hate them more because of that. |
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